Because I know I'll never say "I wish I spent less time with my kids".

I quit my job.

Because I know I'll never say "I wish I spent less time with my kids".

As I thought about returning to work the anxiety kicked it. HR emailed me asking about return dates and I just teared up, my heart started beating, I wasn't ready. I started thinking about leaving this little human that JUST entered this world and the thought of being away from her for 8 hours a day just killed me.

Truth is maternity leave in the US is just too short. 3 months. Sometimes more or less depending on what state you live in and where you work. It's just not enough in my opinion. Babies at 3 and 4 months of age are still SO SO little. They are still so dependent on their mother. You as a mother are still healing from having carried and delivered this child, but you’re expected to part ways, go to your job and perform at 100% while still waking up several times a night, maybe still breastfeeding and still learning and navigating your way around this new responsibility of motherhood?

It's unfortunate that many women like myself feel like they have to choose between their careers and being a more present mother because of the short maternity leave in the US. I come from Canada where maternity leave is 12-18 months, women have a choice to return to work sooner if they want but can also stay at home for a longer period of time to care for their child. I wish it was like this here so I wouldn't have to choose. Don't get me wrong, my career in marketing is important BUT this time with my babies is more important right now.

I want more BALANCE.

I want to be more present and available for my children. I want to be able to pick up my son from school without the guilt of leaving my job to make it in time. I want to be able to take them to appointments without feeling like I'm asking for a favor to take care of them. I want to be able to breastfeed when needed instead of pumping in a meeting room while watching videos of her worried about my supply dropping.  I want to be able to stay at home when they are sick without having to count how many more vacation days I have left. The thing is I did all this with my son, I went back to work at 4 months, and I felt and still feel so guilty. As I returned to work with him all I wanted to do all day was get back home to hold him. I felt like wanting to care for him myself was something I needed to justify. I would go to work worried that I would miss the first time he sat on his own or the first time he crawled. Now I know at some point I will miss out on things and I will have to let go...but not yet, 4 months...that’s just too soon.

So this time I want to do it differently.

I know even if I had an eternity it would not be enough time, I'll always want to do more for my kids, but for now, this is what they need and this is what I need. I'm grateful for this next chapter in our lives and for more time with my babies so I can focus on the people and things that matter most to me.

Whether you're a working mom, side hustle mom, stay at home mom, whatever it is, you are doing GREAT. Keep at it mama!

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